I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
