hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
