This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
