Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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