i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
