I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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