How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
