I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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