I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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