im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
