god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
