dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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