I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
