Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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