Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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