i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
