I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
