She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
