On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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