I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
