Pappa wants mamma naked
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
