Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
