Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
