this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
