Dude my mom stole all your condoms
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
