Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
