Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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