shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
