I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
