I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
