All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
