i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
