Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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