u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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