So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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