So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
