I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
