I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
