After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
