Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
