Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
