Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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