The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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