I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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