I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
