I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
