U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
