Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
