thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i think i just lost a toe
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
