Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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