I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
