Will you blow on my dice?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
