Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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