I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
