This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
