You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We are two peas in an std pod
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
