i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You need Xanax blowdarts
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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