I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I queefed so loud it echoed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
