Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
