Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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